Labbayk Allahuma Labayk

Was I really leaving the Beloved of Allah?

Our stay in Madinah drew to an end.. SubhanAllah..  We had gathered at Umm AR’s room for a final prep talk about ihram and umrah.. She said we should take things step by step and go only through umrah for now so as not to get overwhelmed with the rites of Hajj..

We were doing a Hajj mutamati’a bil ummrah, which basically means a double whammy, Ummrah and Hajj in one. So we assume ihram at Abyaar Ali which is the Maqam people go if they’re in Madinah and heading down to Makkah from there and do our ummrah and then since we will be residence of Makkah we assume ihram again in Makkah and then perform Hajj.

Now I got myself into a little ihram pickle! So here we were about to leave Madinah so what’s better than to pray 2 rak’aat safar and tashil so that Allah may make the journey and Ummrah+ Hajj easy. Now it’s all gravy to double, triple, quadruple intend for sunnah prayers.. I did an additional intention of Ihram! Not good!! Because the 2 rak’aat sunnatul ihram was supposed to be done at the Maqam in Abyaar Ali!

We were just supposed to do the preliminary ritual preparation in Madinah- trim nails, ghusul, tie hair firmly, get dressed in ihram clothing and meet in the lobby! What do I do!? I, a lil over excited a lil over zealous about the whole ordeal I mixed up my rituals AND prayed the sunnatul ihram before leaving Madinah! I trimmed my nails after AFTER my 2 rak’aat sunnatul Ihram! So I was like hyperventilating! Like omG did I enter into Ihram with my 2 rak’aat and then CUT my nails! There’s a price to pay for purposefully trimming nails after ihram! And I did all 20! :O *heart attack* I must have spent a good hour or so paranoid and really upset, like omG what if I’ve entered ihram and instantly broken it! Then I kept thinking about it and going over my notes and then I breathed a REALLY HUGE sigh of relief because you need to do the 2 rak’aat sunnatul ihram AND do your talbiya to enter into Ihram. Missing either one means your ihram is invalid. I hadn’t started my talbiya so alhamdulilah, it would be considered an invalid ihram and I was safe! *phew*

I had to endure one more pickle before leaving Madinah.. Everyone had put their luggage in the foyer in preparation for the buses’ arrival. Me and my brother had too much luggage to fit in our bags, so I bought another one and left it in the foyer to the left of the entrance of the hotel, in the left hand corner of the left archway! It was a semi-circular navy blue bag with white flowers on it. Yes it’s a little crazy to give such a detail, but read on to know why I still remember this lol. I wasn’t around the hotel to give it to him, it was our last time to go give salams to the Messenger sallalahualayhiwasalam and his two beloved companions- how incredible that feels writing that!- so I was with the girls before the green dome, mid-afternoon post-salatul Dhuhur. My brother kept calling me and telling me that he couldn’t find the bag, I kept giving him the same description over and over and over and over and over again! He couldn’t see it! I was like so cut! Coz that meant I had to cut my stay short at the dome of the Messenger sallalahualayhiwasalam to.give.my.brother.a.bag!

UGH! Can u imagine! The. Pain. !

Allah!

So I walk to the wall beneath the green dome, give my final salams, and then very reluctantly head back to the hotel; it was so hard to do... You’ve no idea! I get there and it turns out the baggage people had shifted all the bags around! UGH! Killed me! I found it stuffed in the middle of a few peoples bags, I pull it out and give it to my brother. Now I can’t remember exactly what had happened, but it was something that consolidated my early departure from Rasulullah sallalahualayhiwasalam while all the other girls were still there! (tbh, it’s killing me because I can’t actually remember it) I think it was something like the girls had come back straight after me so I didn’t feel so bad after all! I had actually felt like I did the right thing by going back to my brother and I remember so clearly thinking to myself “Allah loves me”! Lol I always have this thought pop up when something extraordinarily good happens to me that I wasn’t expecting that feels like it was a pure gift from Allah to lil ol me! Lol alhamdulilah :0)

Leaving Madinah was surreal, it was just as surreal as entering it. I got teary but I didn’t cry!

How could you not Shayma!! HOW!! Aha! There’s a reason behind this!

Sometimes you can be close to someone in distance yet be the furthest person from them in the entire world! And you could be distant from someone physically but be closer to them more than anything in the world! I didn’t feel like I was leaving Rasulullah sallalahualayhiwasalam (I felt like crying writing that, subhanAllah) I felt like I was leaving Madinah, but that he would be waiting for me back in Sydney in my seerah classes at Daar Aisha. That thought really comforted me and made leaving Madinah easier than it otherwise would have been. I felt like I was going to go see him somewhere else, subhanAllah.

We all boarded the buses out the front of ELAF hotel and began the journey to Abyaar Ali for our entrance into ihram and wow was I excited! It was amazing, everyone had come out onto the busses in their ihram clothing, men in white, women in black everyone was packed and ready to roll.. We all got sorted onto our buses, I think everyone was quite nervous at this point! I was reading over my notes to reinforce the do’s and don’ts of ihram, really trying to make sure I aced it! If you know me, I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I was looking forward to the challenge of making sure my ihram was perfect!

We got to Abyaar Ali masjid, we alighted the buses went straight then round the corner and entered the beautiful, simple masjid. We gathered around umm AR and she went through the method of entering into ihram, pray the 2 rak’at with surat al kafiroon first rak’a and surat al ikhlas second rak’a and then when we finish we make our intention out loud and then we start our talbiya. I love the talbiya, Allahu Akbar at its beauty! Sometimes if I’m out and about I just sing it to myself because moves every chord in my heart! I love its melodious tune, I love its words, I love it’s vibration in my ears and through my heart. It’s just like a comforting embrace for a heart that yearns for its Creator...

When we all completed our entrance into ihram- some not being able to withhold their tears, we made our way back to the buses, softly repeating the talbiya to ourselves 
       Labbayk Allahuma Labbayk
       Labbayka Laa Sharika Laka Labbayk!
       Innal Hamda Wanni'mata
       Laka wal Mulk
       Laa Sharika Lak!

Such a beautiful moment! Allah inviting insignificant lil ol me to His House and Pilgrimmage and I’m saying here I am O Allah! I’m at Your service! I’ve come to Your call! Allah! The most amazing thing is, it’s not of my own doing! SubhanAllah, of course nothing is of anyones doing, but it’s like someone inviting you over for dinner and they are the ones to come pick you up!  

SubhanAllah!

The Generosity!

The Hospitality!

I’m Speechless!

The task at hand now, was Umrah!! OhMyGod! We’re on the way to Makkah! The Holliest of Hollies! Makkah! OMG! What to say of Makkah!!! Where to start! Sayyiduna Adam!? Sayyiduna Ibrahim! Sayyiduna Ismaeel!? Zamzam!? The tayran ababeel! Sayyidina Rasulullah!? Salallahualayhiwasalam! The first and central piece of earth created and the rest of the earth rolling out from it? Allah’s sacred and sanctified Chosen Land and Ka’ba! Allah! What to say of Makkah! 100,000 times the reward!? One SubhanAllah= 100,000 SubhanAllah’s!

It was a long drive, but well worth it no doubt! Holy land beneath my feet, Holy sky above my head, what more could I want from this dunya!? We got off the buses at the Retaj Hotel which was part of the massive clock tower and best of all! Part of the Haram! The hotel is built on sacred ground, literally! So even our sleeping is timesed by 100,000 O the rewards! :D Lol! We were given our keys and we all caught elevators up from the underground bus-port (it’s so massive it could prolly pass for a port!) to the main level then switched elevators and went up to the levels with our rooms. Now I’ve never seen such mismatching elevators in my life that make no sense whatsoever! I don’t know who designed them but they are so complicated! Some elevators miss certain levels and the ones that do go to your level are found only in certain parts of the complex, but where exactly they are is anyone’s guess! Lol

All the girls in my room had come up and we all entered together.. There were 8 of us in the one room- actually I wouldn’t even call it a room, it was like a house in a hotel! Lol upstairs and downstairs, 3 bathrooms, plasma TV, kitchen, dining room, and one room that had a door to it..

3 girls were in that room- Ozlem, Nilofer (niloo!) and Farzana+ baby boy,

3 girls upstairs- Muhajjabeen, Sundos and Zena,

and me and Nena in the dining room.

LOL Ok so obviously they added extra beds because of Hajj season, but still! It was quite spacious and quite luxurious!

Ka’ba view from my window! Who could complain!

As soon as I walked in with Nena I screamed out for the beds next to the massive wall-sized window! I knew it was wall sized because the curtains were wall sized! Lol Nena was soooooooooo reluctant. She didn’t want to sleep in the dining room! I didn’t know why! How could she not! I was like hey! Nena man!

Were gonna have a view of the Ka’ba!!

Right before us!

How could you complain!

(The curtains were closed!)

There Nena! Beyond the curtains lies the Ka’ba!

And

you’re

complaining!?

It’s going to be staring at you first thing in the morning, last thing at night! How could you! Lol..

I was so tempted to look through the curtains and peep at the Ka’ba! But I wanted my first view of the Ka’ba to be of me before it and it before me! So I tried very hard not to go near the curtains!

But what can I say!

Curiosity got the better of me!

I said, I’ll just peep though and see the view! Just a small teeny weeny peep!

Promise!

So I take my position at a corner, and slowly but surely I open the curtain..

Gently!

Very very gently!

And I squint so in case it’s there I don’t have a super clear view...

And as I peep, I notice it’s very dark, and I’m like hey, that’s a lil odd! I mean I know it’s night time, but this is the Ka’ba, it should be bright as day there! Lol, to my utter shock and surprise I realise I’m staring at a wall!

LoL Actually 3 of them to be exact!

Of other hotels!

I had no view of the ka’ba! L Crushed yo!

Nena was even more crushed coz everyone had already bagsed their beds in the room and upstairs and we were “stuck” in the dining room lol. I still loved it!

The best part!!! X infinity and 1!

It was pretty late, I’d guess around 12ish when we settled? And all the single girls- which included half the girls in my room- were called to Umm AR’s room so they can do their Ummrah tawaf! I remember when we arrived at her room she commented on how amazing the hotel was this time round, last year they didn’t stay at this one, they stayed at ZamZam towers, but the Retaj suite was definitely luxury beyond luxury! SubhaAllah!

Such Lutf from a Generous Host.

 Umm AR used to always tell us to stick with our muhrams because she has a lot of single girls to take care of and she wants to give them their rights, but as much as I love my brother and all, I wanted to do tawaf with Umm AR and the single girls! So I decided to go down with them and just ask her if I can do tawaf with her...

We all got in and I straight away asked her, Umm AR can I please do tawaf with you?! She said I’d prefer it if you went with your muhrams but if you insist,

I insist!

So she laughed and said yes ok haha.

Was such a sweet moment!

So we all sat down and she told us that 12:30am has always been the best time to go to the Ka’ba! It’s when it’s at its most emptiest, and subhanAllah the fact that we arrived at the hotel at that time and gathered by then was just incredible to me! Allahu Akbar! We didn’t know what the crowd would be like there, but it was still a little early for Hajj so it wasn’t expected to be people on top of each other yet.  Lol.

Now there’s certain adaab when approaching the Ka’ba!

You don’t just walk up to it...

I loved this soooooooooo much!

Umm AR sat us down and filled us in, when you’re at the hotel, you make lots of istighfar and look down as you walk, you really should be in your most humblest state when entering into the Haram, remember Allah’s favours and gift upon you for even letting you get here! So make lots of istighfar all the way until you get to the door of the Masjid, the less sins you have approaching it the better..

When you get to the entrance-gate you enter with your right foot and say the dua of entering the masjid, as you walk towards the Ka’ba you make lots of tahlil, takbir, tasbih-

SubhanAllah wal Hamdulilah wa la ilaha illa Allah wAllahu Akbar...

You have entered His House, so it’s all about Praising Him Subhana wata’ala!

Now if you look up you will see the Ka’ba through the pillars and columns, that’s not how you want to see the Ka’ba for the first time! You want to see it whole and clear right before your eyes! So keep looking down! Don’t peep or look up at all! When you enter you will come across 2 sets of stairs, you go down the first set and you stand at the top of the second, when you’re at the top of those that is when you can look up.

Something amazing you will notice is little birds doing tawaf around the Ka’ba.. Allahu Akbar! Scholars say they are the descendants of the tayran ababeel- SubhanAllah! Allahu A’lam, but truly amazing!

The dua you should make when you see the Ka’ba is an instantly accepted dua, so Allah can accept all your duas you say:

“Allahumaj’alni min mustajibaat ida’waat”!

HUH!!? SFHAUGAHH!!? Hold up hold up! What!?

OhMyGod!

This was exactly the same words in my dream!!! :O

When Umm AR said this my heart dropped! Skipped a beat! Tumbled! Rolled! Done a 360! You name it! I was gob.smacked!

My jaw literally dropped..

with my heart..

to the floor!

Allahu Akbar! :D
And here brothers and sisters is the moment where I realised, my dream was just about to manifest itself into reality.
That very dream I had at the beginning- subhanAllah, it's like everything was leading up to this moment. 
And here it was. 
The moment of laying my eyes on the Ka'ba.. 
and making that very same du'a I made in my dream.
La ilaha illa Allah! 

SubhanAllah! She continued.. We then begin our tawaf! 7 rounds starting with your body just before the black stone. At every station of the Ka’ba there’s a dua to make, it’s in our little hand held Hajj book, so that’s all we needed.

Set to go!

Then we set off! We did exactly as she had told us...

The night breeze was soft when we exited the hotel,

The aura was gentle yet powerful

Something distinct about the atmosphere

In Makkah it’s all about Allah

You really feel it.

It’s amazing.

Gentle and encompassing, but very much felt.

Allah’s House, we approached

Allahu Akbar.

We kept looking down,

AstaghfarAllahul ‘atheem wa atubu ilayh

Right foot enter

A’uthubillahi al’atheem wa bi wajhihil Kareem

Wa sultanihil Qadeem

Minashaytanir Rajeem

Bismillah wasalalatu wasalamu ‘ala Rasulullah

Allahumaftahli abwaba rahmatak

Takbir

Tahlil

Tasbih

First set of stairs...

Second set.

Were here! When we reached the end, I remember holding on to Patrina (patty pancakes) and I was hyperventilating man!

I. Could. Not. Believe. I. Was. In. Front. Of. The. Ka’ba!

I couldn’t believe I was in Makkah! Let alone the Ka’ba!

My direction of prayer for all these years! I sought it day in day out! And Now I was in front of it! Allah! Allah! Allah! My Generous King! Allah! I really just can’t tell you, if there as any disbelief going on at the Ka’ba it was here and now! Lol

I held my breath and then I looked up!

 And I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life!

And you know what? I believe in my heart of hearts I never will see anything more beautiful for the rest of my life!

It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful! SOOOOOOOOO beautiful!

Allah ya salam ‘ala gamalha!!

The black cloth, the embroidered Quranic verses in gold! Even the black cloth itself had the kalma within its weaves! It was so deeply beautiful to look at! Against the night sky and contrasting white tiles it was magnificent! It was a complete reverse of the stars in the night sky! The black was beautiful and glowing, illuminated and illuminating and the brilliance background of the masjid was the stars! I looked up, and surely enough, above head, there were little birds flying around the Ka’ba! It was *so* heart touching to see that! I was in awe, as if the Ka’ba didn’t steal your heart yet! The birds were the cherry on top!

And subhanAllah, to draw attention to the obvious- there are a lot of birds flying! You’d think there’d be bird droppings all over the haram, not a single one! Not a single one! Something like that would definitely contrast with the black of the cloth of the Ka’ba, not a single one!

Allahu Akbar!

We made our way down towards the courtyard, and it was amazing!

Now let’s put it this way, there wasn’t a crazy crowd- which was such a blessing! Allahu Akbar! But you still can’t get to the Ka’ba, because around it the people are basically doing tawaf on each other’s heels AND toes. Maybe about 15 or so rows of people before you could tell people were breathing normally lol.

Me and Patty held on together and we did tawaf  around the Ka’ba, at each station reciting our duas from our handy dua book, and then when we’d get to the corner of the black stone we’d kiss our hands and then raise them towards it and say Allahu Akbar! *so beautiful* My favourite part of tawaf was reaching the black stone and raising my hands. I don’t know why, but there is something magnificent about that motion.

We did all 7 rounds by the Mercy and Grace of Allah, I kid you not, I was sneaking stares away from my book towards the Ka’ba because I was in awe, my jaw was to the floor when I gazed at it, and inside and out I kept saying “omG I can’t believe I’m looking at it, it’s so beautiful omG it’s so beautiful!” It contrasted with the night sky, black contrasted against black, you have to see it to believe such an opposite exists. Allah!

Is there a Host more Generous!?!

When we finished our tawaf we prayed our two rak’aat sunnatul tawaf. My first ruku’ and sajda before the Ka’ba, in the courtyard! Allah Ya Kareem! I was here before the House of Allah! Praying! So close! <3

When I gave my taslim, I came to read the dua after sunnatul tawwaf from my book and I was caught off guard, attention redirected towards an old Egyptian lady from the south of Egypt just to the side behind me. Baladiya! I didn’t look at her, but caught her with the corner of my eye.

I heard her making dua to Allah, and I will never forget her voice in my head, the sincerity! Ya Allah! The Sincerity!

She swayed; I sensed her swaying; hands in face... It was one of the most incredible displays of slavehood I have ever seen. SubhanAllah, the words were so deep and heart felt I was instantly caught up in her dua..

 Like children who experience something when they were little, they may not remember the exact words, but they will always remember how they felt. This was the same, I can give you vaguely what I recollect of the words, but how I wish I could give you the sincerity!

Ya Allah! Ana ‘abdak al faqira wa antal ghaniy! (O Allah I am your poor slave and You are The-Rich)

Ana ‘abdak ad da’eefa al miskeena al mihtaja (I am your slave, weak and destitute and needy)

Ifrij ‘alaya ya Allah (relieve me O Allah!)

Anal mareeda wantash Shafiy (I am the sick one and You are the Curer)

Ishfini ya Allah (Cure me O Allah!)

Anal mareeda wantash shafiy Ya Allah!

SubhanAllah! Her voice is still in my heart! Allah!

After our Sunnah we went to the fountain, all the girls were there with Umm AR and we had looked in awe and amazement at the Ka’ba big smiles all round :D like wow! We just did tawaf! Umm AR said, should we try and touch the Ka’ba girls? I was thinking YES YES YE YEYSEYSYES!!! YES!! WE REALLY SHOULD! Definitely! It’s going to get crowded in a few days and it’ll be closer to mission impossible than anything!

So we all decided we’d pair up and go try touch it! All 15/20 of us!

I drank zamzam with the intention that Allah make us ALL touch it!

SubhanAllah I picked Patty pancakes to go with me, we hooked hands and we set to go touch the Ka’ba! I KID YOU NOT! We walked towards it and Allahu Akbar! The crowd was breaking up in a perfect line towards the Ka’ba! We were hooked tight and it was as though we were walking down the isle lollolol!

As we approached I could not help but laugh! I laughed at the ease! At the PURE SHOCK at how it was just opening right before my eyes! Like a rose on a crisp Sunday morning! I remember we walked fast pace trying to catch the line before people came through and I saw a man look down at us

with an expression that said nothing other than

“what on earth are you laughing at!?”

LOL, it was so funny! You had to see his face!

30 seconds flat!

Straight up!

My face was stuck to the wall of the Ka’ba!

I couldn’t believe when I had arrived there the girl that was stuck to the Ka’ba moved instantly back into the crowd and I had a spot on the wall all to my lil ol self!

What a Most-Generous Host!! <3

I put my right cheek on it and came to make dua but because I was in so much shock I instead turned to the right to see Patty and she too had a spot! And she too was in awe at the fact that we were there! We both BURST OUT LAUGHING! I couldn’t help it! I was so shocked! I was touching the Ka’ba! It SMELT SO BEAUTIFUL! Its wall was so beautiful! SubhanAllah! How many people rub their cheek on that wall! How many people are doing tawaf constantly round the Ka’ba! It gets hot and sweaty! Everyone is hot and sweaty! But the Ka’ba smells like MUSK! It was Divine! I loved it! I was in so much shock at where I was I didn’t know what du’a to make! So what do I say?! You guessed it! O Allah accept all my dua’s! LOL booya! I win! I also squeezed in a “O Allah please protect me here!” Because I wanted to make it out alive for sa’y! Lol Allahu Akbar! Can’t tell you how beautiful that moment was! After a lil while of immersing my being all over the blessed walls and trying to absorb the moment and string together any duas I could, I looked at Patty and I’m like ok! Let’s go back! So we took each other again hooked hands and tried to make our way out! I tell you! Not as easy as entering! We got squashed, transported by the crowd but after a whole heap of sweaty push and shove, gasping for air and dear life we made it out! Woo!! Yay!!

We made our way back to the fountain to meet the girls and they all came back so joyful with big smiles because they ALL touched it! I WAS SO HAPPY!!! Allah! how happy I was and am right now! :D

We ended up following Umm AR like chicklets following mother duckling, till we came to Safa and Marwa, we decided upstairs would be less packed and easier. So we went upstairs for sa’y. It was 7 ups and downs but wow was it tiring! I think it was because of the travel from Madinah+ instant tawaf + instant sa’y kinda just made sa’y seem harder than what it was. There was one part at sa’y that made me laugh though, we’d get to the lights and you’d see the men staring at the roof really intensely to see where it started and then they’d jog and then they’d see where it ended and then theyd walk again. Just their expression when they’d see the first green light was funny-

musta been coz I was tired.

Hey! Who said Islam oppresses women? All Muslim men run in the footsteps of one of the greatest Muslim women on earth- Sittena Hajar, pace for pace, inch by inch. Women don’t run for modesty reasons, but that’s just even more reason to realise that’s a win for women in Islam!

We musta finished at like 330am, or 4am in the morning, subhanAllah.

An hour or so before Fajr adhan.

When I finished I made my way back to the clock tower and up to my room where all the girls were. We all recalled our experience and how much we loved it!